April 1, 2009

Subject: There is unrest in the forest there is trouble with the trees

First of all, seeing as its April Fool’s Day today, I'm just going to put the whole Texas thing out of my mind. If you wanted it to be convincing you should have had mom write it. Also I got the Easter basket. It came in a ridiculously big package. I opened the door and there was a guy standing there with I giant box that I thought might be for Bro Kelly but it wasn't and I was confused. I guess you haven't gotten the pictures I sent yet so you won't understand that the box took up most of our available space. So I have opened the Easter basket and began eating it because transfers come before Easter and I didn't think I could pack it with me. Also we really don't have space for it now. So I didn't wait until Easter. Sorry but thank you for the basket anyway.
Kasey keeps telling me that I need to take more pictures but you never even got the pictures I already took so I don't think I'll be sending more if you’re just going to lose the ones I send. You had your chance for pictures and you blew it.
I can’t believe it’s time to get the boat out already. It was the middle of winter when I left. Did you know that I've already been gone for three months? Crazy. Speaking of boats, there will be absolutely no buying of pianos. I forbid it. I've spent too long talking everyone into the fact that we need a new boat for you guys to start changing your minds when I leave. We already have two pianos. Why would we need another one? Nobody likes the pianos we have now. They certainly wouldn't appreciate a new one. Boats bring happiness and family bonding and good feelings of togetherness. Pianos bring yelling, fighting and sadness. I think it’s pretty easy to see which would be better.
So anyways I've made friends with a crazy homeless man in the town center. Only I found out the other day that he's definitely not homeless but that he has house. We found him while we were knocking. We talked to him for a little bit and then we just ended up cleaning up his house for a while. It was disgusting. I took pictures which I'd send you but you would just lose them. We mostly just threw away the piles of trash he had all over the place. It was a lot of half eaten potatoes and old tea bags and tobacco (he smokes a pipe). There were also a few piles of old clothes and a few mounds of trash mixed with puke. When I say we cleaned his house I'm using the term house very loosely. He spent the whole time telling us about his archenemy and how he had to plug the holes in the ceiling so he couldn't watch him with his periscope. I'm not sure how many new diseases I picked up but I'm sure it was a lot. He's really nice though, and I feel bad for him. I'm pretty sure all he eats is potatoes that he throws in the microwave. There wasn't anything in his fridge and all of his plates looked like they hadn't been washed in forever. That’s the crazy thing about England. People that would be homeless or in a mental institute are given homes and money to buy stuff.
After meeting with Dave we went and knocked the rest of his street. It was an interesting place. It’s called Swainby. It’s all terrace housing with one person on the top floor and one on the bottom. From what I gathered, there are a lot of drugs/drug dealers around. They have security cameras all over the place. They look like street lights at first but then you look up and realize it's a camera in a metal cage so no one can get to it. We did get indoors and found 4 new investigators. They were all drunk and or high so we'll see how our next visit goes when they’re sober. Other than that it was mostly just Muslims who answered the door and we’re not allowed to teach them, which is depressing because they're super nice.
That’s really all that was interesting this week. To answer your questions, I have a lot of time on p-days. That’s why I write the letters but then we go to the post office during lunch on Monday to mail our presidents letters and I usually don't have time then. But I'm going to try to get more of those prepaid things. I thought I had some but apparently not. Then I will actually mail them. Also our car got taken away because of the economy. They took three cars out of every mission and ours was the oldest so it went bye bye. Well that’s all I got. Try not to do anything fun without me. Don't buy a piano, don't move to Texas . I'm glad Caleb is enjoying my middle name and that Kasey likes skiing finally, even if her boots are more customized than mine. I take it Kasey hasn't been back to the vet yet? I don't know if you guys went and saw Bolt but you definitely should.
Thanks for everything.

Elder Cody Scott Johnson

P.S. We’re meeting with the Russian mad scientist this week. They called us up and said they wanted to see us so we'll see how that goes. Hopefully I won't get radiation poisoning.